I watched my husband digging into the ground.

“I wouldn’t have imagined myself doing anything like this five years ago,” he uttered.

We laid marigolds down amongst the soil, poured water by your feet to help them grow. We talked about your life, and how you forever changed ours.

We gazed upon the beauty of your tombstone, and shed tears upon the ground. A labor of love, poured out from a mothers heart, who bears the burden of empty arms.

As we laid there above your body, we talked about your birth. The pain. The disbelief of your early arrival. We reminisced about the 25 days that you were alive. The forever imprint you left on our hearts. Our souls.

We talked about the child that you would be now. The bond you and your brother would have had. Your personality. And the little ways you sneak yourself into our daily lives.

We see you in the sun, the warmth that covers our skin. We feel you in the wind as it gently presses in.

We see you in the morning fog that fills the pastures by our home.

And in your brothers eyes, you live and breathe, and roam. 

We feel you among the rosebuds that are just starting to sprout. We feel you deep within us, your love comes pouring out.

You’re the joy that’s in my life, the dimple in my grin. You’re the spark of light that shines from my core within.

You are everything that’s lovely. Everything that’s good.

And if I could give you the world, there is no doubt that I would.

Although I cannot feel you or touch your precious skin, if I close my eyes tightly, I can feel you from within. Sometimes it is just a whisper, as faint as it can be. At other times like a lion, your love comes roaring out. 

For all the mothers living with empty arms, and hearts of sorrow. You are not alone. You are not forgotten.

You are deeply, and irrevocably loved. Cherished beyond belief by those that have since perished.

May you find a way to press through the darkness, to rise above your pain.
It’s ok to mourn, to grieve and cry. To feel misunderstood at times.

But don’t underestimate your strength as a mother, the innate power you carry.

There is a burden that you convey, that is often hard to hide.  But somehow we made it.  Forever changed inside.

A young lady named Lexi that lost her son due to congenital heart disease at 6 months of age wrote the following statement: she says…

“I’ve learned that the most radiant people aren’t the ones you see on billboards or whose name is in lights. It’s the quiet survivors who have been shattered beyond belief and have overcome. The ones who grit their teeth and carry on, day after day, clinging to hope, even if it’s by a single strand. “

I love her words.

YOU are the quiet survivors. The ones that push onward, despite feeling crushed in spirit. No matter how weak you feel on the inside-you are an overcomer. And that in itself makes you strong.

So hold your head high, even if it is only for a single moment.

Your arms are empty, but your reward is great. For our sons and daughter are in the very presence of Christ, awaiting our soon arrival.

This world is full of uncertainty and pain, I know this all too well.

Yet, unspeakable joy in around the corner, to soon make our hearts swell.

Hold on broken hearted; those weary and weak. 

Trust his word with all your heart. For he will make a way in the wilderness. He will bring hope and healing in the mist of chaos and confusion.

Your most deep and intimate worship will likely be in your darkest days-when your pain is great, and your heart is broken…when you are out of options, and you turn to God alone.

And like the marigolds that lay amongst my beautiful son’s grave, you too can be a beam of light in a sea of sorrow.

May you too find hope and healing this Mother’s day. May you find a renewed strength to get you through each day.

I love you Michael. No greater honor have I ever been given, than to be your mother.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5The Message (MSG)

The Rescue

^3-5 All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.